Iron Mike

So by know you should have been able to pick up on the fact that I love everything about Mike Tyson. If you haven't picked up on that yet then you clearly aren't committing enough of your time to my blog, or you haven't ever directed your eyes approximately 4 inches above this text to the awe inspiring quote from my main man Mike; either way you aren't doing a very good job as a blog follower so I'm going to probably say nasty things about behind your back. There, now its been said.

Tyson. Whether you like him or not you have to admit that there is something intriguing about him. What's kept him in the spotlight even after his professional boxing career fell apart is the fact that he is enigmatic. And by enigmatic I mean nothing he does seems to make any goddamn sense. For example, You're the heavyweight champ, what are you going to do next? If you answered "viciously rape and beat your famous actress wife" then you're probably Mike Tyson. Just a few other pieces of his decision-making highlight reel include 1) biting off the ear of a 6'3'' 240 lb angry sweaty professional face puncher, 2) squandering away hundreds of millions of dollars that could have bought cool things like a bunch of iphones or jetski's,  3) getting a tribal tattoo post 1996, and having said tattoo appear tastefully on your face. I have always thought that there was a finite amount of stupidity that can come out of one human being, but that all changed two days ago.

I saw a picture of Iron Mike in the newspaper and immediately my eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning because I knew I was in for a treat. I continued to read the article and found out that Mr. Tyson is planning on starring in his own reality show on Animal Planet. Initially I thought that might be a network where a reality show about Mike Tyson would be completely acceptable, but then I kept reading... It turns out his show will not be about his own personal animalistic qualities, nor will it be about his rare Siberian tigers. Nope, its going to be about pigeons. Yep, pigeons, fluttering bags of shit. Let me reiterate my previous sentiment; nothing Mike Tyson does makes any sense whatsoever, and the amount of stupidity inside his skull is seemingly limitless. Bravo Mike. Bravo.

Apparently he has had a deep love for pigeons his entire life, as illustrated by his amazing quote serving as the header of my blog where he describes assaulting a garbage man for destroying his dead pet pigeon's cage. I guess that means that through his tempestuous life thus far 2 things have served as a constant; the first being stupidity of epic proportions, and the second being his deep love of pigeons. I guess this is a logical pairing for a reality show chronicling Iron Mike.

I'm torn. I love Tyson and would watch just about anything with him in it, but I absolutely hate pigeons. I think I'm justified in my hatred as well; pigeons started the plague in a little disgusting birdbath in someone's backyard, where they made sex to rats and created a whole new type of AIDS. I know I'll watch the show, and so will lots of other Tyson enthusiasts like myself for the exact same reason I watch shows like Jersey Shore and 16 and Pregnant; I find people with shit for brains to be entertaining, and thus I watch while silently thanking the Good Lord that my mother never had the urge to freebase chemicals that she found under her sink like the parents of the people I'm watching.

If this proves anything, its that Mike Tyson isn't ever going away. I guarantee that after the impending apocalypse highlighted in John Cusack's documentary 2012, when the rest of the world has perished Iron Mike will still be around saying aggressively hateful things, grunting, and rubbing feces in his hair.

Proud Tyson fan,
Proud American,
SBB