I don't care what experts say

Me and my roommate have had an ongoing disagreement on this one particular subject, and of course I know I am right. The whole debate started after watching the movie "The Edge" where Alec Baldwin and Anthony Hopkins are caught in the mountains and are chased by a bloodthirsty bear, as well as the documentary "Grizzly Man", which may be the most unintentionally hysterical movie of all time; however I digress. The long standing disagreement is about whether I can outrun a bear. Experts say that bears have no problem running down their prey at speeds of up to 35 mph, according to the google machine. What my argument is, is that a bear has never had to chase down someone like me before. I spent a significant amount of nights in my adolescence in a dead sprint trying to get away from many members of the various western suburban police departments (at a 100% success rate might I add). I can only assume that the people who have been caught running from a bear were wearing clunky hiking boots, some silly ass hemp pants and a flannel shirt made from some gay organic material. I on the other hand never would be caught dead in less than ideal attire; I wear nikes (because I'm sweet), and just like in High School, I wouldn't be out unless I was wearing something I felt comfortable running away from the authorities in, and thus the same would apply on any trip into the wilderness. In addition to being incredibly fast, naturally elusive, and in the proper attire, there is another factor on my side to help support my bear outrunning abilities. The people who get eaten by bears are almost 100% hippies and ergo, total pussies. I am neither hippie nor pussy, and people like me don't get caught by bears. If i was faced with imminent death at the hands of a fucking grizzly I would bob and weave through the whole forest, mountain range, riverbed or what have you. I would be like the white Devin Hester getting away from this big clumsy mother fucker; juking, running sideways, doing spin moves and pulling out every other trick in the book. Essentially what this all boils down to, and what gives me the strongest amount of confidence in the situation, is that if I had to do either had to run as faster than no man has ever ran before, or get eaten by a big fucking bear, I would chose the former. I imagine it would be something similar to retard strength, but appropriately titled "Don't get eaten by that bear speed". After all this, I don't see how anyone in their right mind wouldn't be able to have the utmost confidence in me vs. swift footed yogi bear. Boom roasted.

This picture shows just how I imagine the situation NOT going. I'm also not asian