God wants you to pick your nose

So for a while I have given though to posting something on the personal side, after all part of the original intention of SBB was to give people a better idea of what goes through my head on a given day. That being said, I'm going to dive head first into an topic that may seem subversive to many, but when you look at it from a different angle it not only loses its poor stigma but happens to look pretty damn practical. If you haven't guessed it already, I'm talking about Rhinotillexomania, or what is more commonly know to those of us who don't speak Nerd, the act of picking your nose. Like most people you probably are getting grossed out at the idea of someone picking boogers out of their head, due mostly to the fact that it is looked at as being a socially unacceptable in almost every culture across the globe. In fact picking your nose is looked at with such taboo that when someone catches you in the act they smother you with disgust and shame as if you were the product on an unwanted pregnancy. To guilt-trip someone for picking their nose is commonplace, yet there have been scientific studies done that show that over 91% of people admit to picking their nose every day, at an average of at least 4 times each day. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure this one out; if you're one of the 9% of people who don't pick your nose you are in fact the weird one. This just sounds egregiously self-righteous to me. I'm going to go ahead and say it, if you purposely point out the fact that someone is picking their nose then you are simply 1.) a sour hater and 2.) a supreme doucher to boot.

Since it has been established by our interweb authority Wikipedia, that picking your nose isn't only normal but also incredibly awesome, I'm going to give you some very clear and obvious reasons for why we all should have no qualms about picking our noses (and should probably do it more often). As absurd as you may think this next explanation is going to be, hold onto your panties because you'll going to be hard pressed to find a way to argue it because I'm about to buttfuck you with both religion and science.

A close confidant who will remain under the alias Sven Doogan and I agree that after tens of thousands of years evolution has brought the human race to the point where our fingers fit our nostrils like the final 2 pieces of a Where's Waldo puzzle. Species evolve so that they are better suited for their environments, and if they are unable to evolve they cease to exist and become extinct. Over the tens of thousands of years that humans have appeared on this earth, as a species we have genetically transmutated until our fingers have become the reciprocated shape of the inside of our noses. Our fingers and nostrils fit together perfectly for the purpose of picking our noses. It doesn't take Stephen Hawking to see what I'm trying to get at here: if we are unable to pick our noses we will ultimately become extinct. That's right, if you don't pick your nose you will in fact die.

My 18 years of Catholic education taught me that I along with most of the human race was created in what is referred to in Latin as Imago Dei, or in the Image of God. Most of us are created in Imago Dei in so that qualities of God can be manifested in humanity. (I say most of the human race because unfortunately I have had the experience of venturing into a Wal-Mart in Central North Carolina, which if anything, served as sufficient evidence that somewhere down the life southern hillfolk have cross-bred with apes and therefore are no longer considered human beings. Different blog for a different day) Knowing that much, and that I was created exactly the way in which God intended, its not to hard to see why picking my nose is in some way divine. God created man in his image so that we may be more like him in every way. That means my fingers are like God's fingers, perfectly shaped with a little sharp nail at the end for my picking and digging ease. I can only come to one conclusion; God picks his nose and he wants us to do it too.

I know what you're probably thinking, "That really doesn't make any sense", and you,in fact, are wrong. It doesn't take a genius to understand the basic ideas behind evolution, which is either evolve or perish; pick your nose with your perfectly shaped fingers or become extinct. Not completely sold on the whole "science" thing? Fine, because I made it pretty clear that God not only picks his nose, but he wants you to do so as well. I know, I know, not everyone went to Catholic school (poor people) and that's OK but the evidence is right in front of you. (It actually isn't OK because if you went to public school you're a heathen, and if you aren't Catholic then your religion is all lies anyway. Either way you're going to die a sinner's death and burn for eternity so smell ya later)

Whatever you decide to think about the idea of nose picking, just remember this: idle hands are the Devil's playground and sometimes it just so happens that the only place to put you finger is in your nose. So don't feel bad about doing a little gold digging, go for it, you deserve it. Pick all day, and when you're done wipe that booger on the inside of the passenger window of your friends car, and if they try to give you shit , send them my URL.

Yes, that is Hillary Clinton with half of a finger in her head

Love.Peace.ChickenGrease.